Daffodil

I'm on holidays at the moment. This week I have done NOTHING. It's been fantastic – exactly what I needed. I was planning on doing some gardening and house type stuff, but the weather has been so totally shit I'm reluctant to go even as far as the carport to hop in the car and go anywhere. Let alone take Gus out for a ride. So instead I've been playing my Game Boy and reading the final Harry Potter book. If anyone spoils the ending for me before I'm finished, I swear I'll whop them over the head with it. It's quite a big book too, so nobody had better try anything.

Being on holiday has given me a little bit of perspective as far as work goes. Most other things in my life have been going great, but work has really been the pits these past couple of months, and I can't see it getting any better either. That's the worst thing – if I could see a light at the end of the tunnel, it would make it a lot easier to go through some of the things that are happening. But I can't see a light. Just an endless freaking tunnel.

So what should I do? Get another job? Stick it out? God seems characteristically silent on the matter. The only thing he has told me is to not hold my job in such a high regard. So what is that supposed to mean? Am I gonna get fired? Quit? I just don't want to make the wrong decision. I'm a loyal person really, so I'm reluctant to leave. But I can't go on the way I have been. Yesterday my boss asked me to fill out some form that needed to be done that day. I'd finally begun to relax and forget about work, but even him asking me to do such a tiny thing sent me into the spiral of work related panic that has become so familiar lately. I just can't go on like that any more. I feel like I'm going crazy. I wish I knew what to do about it. It's affecting other areas of my life, and I'm sick and tired of it.

I just looked out the window at the windy, rainy day, and felt depressed. So much for gardening. It's interesting to see what's popping up in the garden now that spring is near. Lots of bulbs are starting to poke through the dirt and show signs of sprouting flowers. I'm interested to see what sort they'll turn out to be. One of them tentatively started to open a couple of days ago, revealing himself as a bright yellow daffodil. But then the wind and the rain came, and when I looked out there this morning, the daffodil was lying on the ground, all blown and battered by the wind. It made my heart sad. It's just typical really – he finally got the courage to open up, thinking the weather would be kind to him. Instead, it turned on him, and now he's all crushed and broken.

I'm gonna go pick him and put him in a vase. At least then he'll brighten up my house. He'll have a purpose for existing.